Jasdebi Red
by usagi-strike
Summary: What happens when the idiot twin bounty hunters Jasdero and Debitto are sent to kill a target they can't recognize? Not to mention, how are they even going to get close to said target when there're seven horny hunks guarding her day & night! OC pairing, guys. learn to deal.
1. Commission

**Yellos, chapter 1 here, just some stupid fairy tail *tale*(I keep doing "tail" cuza fairy tail, heheh) I want to do, no real shit happening. Yep, using my main character from the other one for this one too, so DEAL WITH IT~!**

**We need more Jasdebi romances out there, ya know?! As well as Wisely ones, man! If yall got any good fanfic reads out there about those two, feel free to tell me about them!**

**Um, expect OOCness, okaaay~? Teehees, well, enjoy! Oh, wait, don't enjoy yet. I have an announcement: EXPECT SLOW UPDATES! THE INTERNET ON MY LAPTOP ISN'T WORKING (I DUNNO WY?) AND SO I HAVE TO RELY ON THE GOOD GRACES OF MY BROTHER AT THE MOMENT, AND HE AINT THE MOST GENEROUS PERSON IN THE WORLD, SO YEAH…**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN DGM, ONLY MY OCs (Kumori from "Akuma Amalgam," heheh, yall should check it out?).**

**these things are line breaks → wO**

Commission

Like any typical fairy tale, there was a kingdom ruled by your typical medieval king who thought more with his balls than his brains. There wasn't some jealous wife to rein him in, either, since his wife had been dead and buried for quite some time now. Despite his immoral behavior and lack of consideration for the general well-being his kingdom, it was apparent that Sheril Kamelot cared deeply for his two daughters. They were the brightest, most vibrant parts of his court life—literally. With their shockingly colorful purple and pink hair—not to mention their outrageously indecent sense of fashion—the two princesses brought great amusement and joy to their doting father.

All wasn't well, of course.

King Sheril cared a tad _more_ for one daughter than the other; the pink-haired one was just so much more _lively_ than the purple, so much more susceptible and prone to displays of public affection. It's safe to assume that this caused an accumulation of jealousy and hatred to build up in Road Kamelot, the elder of the two, although she didn't look it. Despite being considerably older, Road looked to be only in her early teens, although her younger sister, having also retained the youthful, child-like appearance of a ten-year old, was undoubtedly the more adorable and lovable of the two prepubescent princesses.

The difference wasn't much, but it was enough.

One day King Sheril died mysteriously, under strange circumstances, and shortly thereafter the purple-haired girl quickly established herself as queen, confining her younger sister to a small tower within the castle, reachable only through a steep, winding staircase long-forgotten by most.

It was in this dusty old tower that the second princess spent her days wondering when she'd be able to get her hands on some tasty pastries. She also wondered when she'd be able to leave the confines of that dusty old room, too, but she wondered mainly about the food.

That was until the day she escaped. With the help of a little pink bird, of course.

**OxO**

"Where is she?" The guard flinched as the owner of that childish, lilting voice directed her cold blue eyes to him. His eyes avoided hers, flicking instead to her cheery, ever-smiling advisor and shrewd leader of the Queen's Guard, both of whom flanked both sides of her enormous gilded throne. They didn't look all that threatening, but he'd heard countless tales from the other servants. The old man with the single gray ponytail and panda-like visage, though he may not look it, was quite agile and had a very good throwing arm—if you weren't careful, you might find yourself looking like a human pincushion. The jolly fat man was another deal entirely. Anyone who crossed him always faced a gruesome death sooner or later. Oh, they could never pin the blame on him, of course—to have survived this long in the employ of a ruthless queen like Road, he must've been quite a formidably intelligent, devious person himself—but they all knew who the murderer was. It was especially creepy since he was always _smiling_.

The guard shivered and bit back a moan when he saw the grim set of the guard's face and the especially cheerful grin on the portly advisor's face.

"Hey, I asked you a question, you know." The guard jumped as the childish voice cut through the silence in the throne room once again. He cringed, folding in on himself and trying to make himself less noticeable, which was pointless, seeing as he was the sole focus of the queen's simmering displeasure.

"S-She isn't in the tower any more, Your Majesty."

"Really?" the queen replied, voice dripping sugary-sweet sarcasm. "I wouldn't have noticed, you _dunce_. Now, I'll give you one last chance to answer my question _correctly_, okay?"

"Y-Yes, Your Majesty!" he stammered, ducking his head. "The prin—girl seems to have escaped from the window in the tower, Your Majesty. There's no other explanation for how she could've managed to escape from the tower without _any_ of the sentries noticing her departure." Of all the days for the younger princess to book it, she just had to go and choose the one day he'd finally managed to get one of the kitchen maids to meet him out in the woods later…

"Are you telling me that she flew out of there?" The queen giggled, startling him out of his reverie.

"W-We're not sure, Your Majesty," the guard replied, his face burning with embarrassment as the queen raised one hand to cover the grin spreading across her pale face. "As impossible as it seems, that may be a possibility, especially since the younger princess—"

"_Don't_ call her that!" the queen snapped, waving her hand at him. He instantly snapped his jaw shut, watching in fearful wariness as the queen quickly smoothed the anger out of her features, allowing a mask of joyful disinterest to settle.

"M-My apologies, You Majesty," he murmured, bending his head so low it almost touched the tiles of the throne room.

"That's alright." She gave him a bright smile full of sparkling white teeth, and, against his better judgement, the guard released the tension from his shoulders. The queen let out a girlish titter and shared a conspiring look with him. "We all know the rumors anyways, right?" she whispered, winking at him. He sighed in relief and empathetically nodded along with her, watching as the few others present—all those who knew that the second princess hadn't withdrawn from the rest of the castle due to some strange ailment—politely laughed along with the queen.

They all knew the popular rumor surrounding the younger princess, of course.

As the story goes, the former king, rest his soul, was known to be quite sordid and active, which was why it wasn't that much of a surprise that he'd somehow managed to father several bastards over the years. Princess Kumori was one of many of those bastards, but, unlike the others, Sheril knew of her existence and properly, readily accepted her into the royal family.

Nothing much was known about Princess Kumori's mother except that she'd been exceptionally beautiful, like some otherworldly fey that had secretly dwelled within the wood surrounding the castle until the flirtatious, suggestive prompting of the king had forced her into the public eye of the kingdom. The notion of the younger princess' mother being a fairy wasn't that surprising, really—Princess Kumori really _did_ look like some pixie or sprite, with her outrageously bright pink hair, short stature, and unnatural amber eyes. There were also whispers that "Kumori" wasn't the princess' real name, either, that, like a real fairy creature, she had a True Name that would allow any who knew it to control her…

The guard didn't quite believe any of this, of course. Especially since the one who'd told him all of this had been some insanely drunk, redheaded foreigner with half a mask and some odd golden, carnivorous creature with wings. Obviously some form of sorcery, that; the drunkard's nonsense nothing more than lies and deceit spread by dissenters and insurgents.

Still, it wasn't good to mention much of anything concerning the second princess in front of the queen—it was almost a guarantee of death, it was—unless the queen herself guided the conversation to that taboo topic, of course.

"Now then…" the queen murmured, lifting one of the candied sweets in her hand to her mouth. "What to do about all this…?" She rolled the candy around in her mouth for a bit before grinning widely and clapping her hands together. "I know! You," she lifted one imperious finger at a stoic guard at the entrance of the throne room, "take him into the dungeon and put him into one of the cells. I'll go play with him later."

"Y-Your Majesty—"

"Ah, ah!" the queen replied, giving another bright, cheery smile. "You know what happens to anyone who fails me, right?" He did, of course. The walls In the castle may be thick, but they weren't hick enough to drown out the anguished screams of the young queen's "playmate".

"It's just too bad for you that you were stupid and loyal enough to come back to the castle when all the others ran off. At least you won't suffer as badly as them, right?" she added, giving the unfortunate guard a sardonic smile as he was roughly dragged to his feet by another. She wasn't surprised when the doomed fellow made a mad run for the door. A slight frown made itself at home on her face when something small and shiny flew from her left and impaled the runaway guard's legs, causing him to cry out and fall to his feet.

"Don't hurt him _too_ much," Queen Road called out, taking a pink lollipop from out of her voluminous skirts and unwrapping it before plopping it into her mouth with great relish. She sighed in contentment as the guard was dragged away. How she loved candy and toys. Her brow puckered in slight annoyance. Too bad her favorite toy had somehow gotten _lost_ somewhere outside.

Pouting in irritation at the thought, Road turned to the happy fat man at her right. "Millenie, what should I do?"

"Don't worry, Road-chan~ **‹**3" the Earl replied, the grin plastered on his face widening slightly. "I have two people who might be able to help~ **‹**3"

"Really?" Road asked, straightening quickly. "Who—?"

The queen's unfinished question was answered when the large oak double doors slammed open. Road turned and looked in mild amusement and irritation as two young men—or maybe two young women? They _did_ have lots of kohl lining their eyes—clad in fur-lined jackets walked pompously to her throne, with no regard for proper decorum. They were the same height, the same skin tone—grey, sort of similar the Millenium Earl's, actually—and even the same eye color, a gold similar to the amber eyes of a certain sister of hers, but while one was dark, the other was fair, with extremely long hair. With his—her?— wide eyes, sewn lips, and strange headband—it had some odd _bulb_ at the end of it—the blond looked like a rag doll.

_Maybe I'll keep it as my new toy_, Road thought, smiling to herself.

"Leave us!" she demanded, voice brooking no arguments, and as the courtiers filed dutifully, gratefully out of the room, she leaned forward in her throne. "Millenie, who are _they?_"

"They're the answer to your pixie problem, Road-chan~ **‹**3" the Earl replied, taking impossibly light steps towards the two. "May I present to you~ **‹**3—"

"I'm Jasdero, hii!" the blond interjected, disrupting the Earl's introduction.

"And I'm Debitto," the dark-haired one continued, resting one hand on a hip and giving the queen and her two closest allies a contemptuous sneer. "Together we're—"

"Jasdebi!" The blond finished, the idiotic duo completing their introduction by pulling out a pair of matching golden guns and aiming them at Road. The young queen smiled angelically at them, her single rapidly twitching left eyebrow the only indication that she was running out of patience with the pair of them. Taking note of this, the Earl quickly got to the point.

"Road-chan, these two are renowned bounty hunters~ **‹**3" the Earl grinned—what else could he do, really?—and motioned the two forward. "They're brothers in arms _and_ blood—twins of destruction and deconstruction, they are~ **‹**3"

So they were boys. Pity, that, Road thought to herself. She'd really wanted a new female doll to dress up and destroy.

"What do you want with us, lady?" the dark-haired one—Debitto, or something along the lines of that—airily demanded, waving his gun at her. Road had only met him for little over a minute or two, but already she wanted to stick him fit to burst with her candles.

Road frowned, licking her lollipop absentmindedly. "You two kill people for money, right?"

"Yeah, for fun, too, hii!" the blond Jasdero replied, giggling childishly. Debitto frowned and jabbed him in the side with a sharp elbow.

"So, who is it you want dead?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Road asked, smiling deviously at them while brandishing a pink and purple candle with a wickedly sharp point that had suddenly appeared in her hand, as if by magic. "I want my half-sister _dead_."

Road nearly fell off her throne when Jasdero raised an eyebrow in confusion and asked "Who's your half-sister?"

"A-Are you serious?" The head of the Queen's Guard thumped his liege on the back as she sputtered, choking on the lollipop in her mouth.

"Stop talking, Jas, and let me handle this!" Debitto furiously whispered, watching as the queen regained her composure and sat up straight in her ornate throne of gold.

"He's just kidding. Of _course_ we know who the second princess is. It's not like we've been living under a rock for the past decade of so."

"Of course," the queen replied, eyeing the two of them doubtfully.

"How much you gonna pay us?"

"Five hundred thousand."

"_Only_ five hundred thousand?" Debitto scoffed, ruffling his black hair. He turned as if to go and stopped abruptly when the queen replied with a "Five hundred thousand for the both of you."

"Now _that's_ what I'm talking about!" Debitto laughed, giving Queen Road a cheeky grin. "So, got any clues to where she went?"

Road inelegantly face palmed, waving off his question. "That's for me to know and you to find out. Know this, though." She stood up to her full height of four-foot-ten and stared imperiously at the two bounty hunters. "Should you fail to bring me her heart, I will _gladly_ take both of yours as _payment_."

"Now then…" The queen sat back down, giving the twins a bright, cheery smile. "You two are dismissed. Good luck!"

Debitto and Jasdero snapped and cursed as they were forcefully ushered out of the throne room by a midgety old man panda.

"Oi, watch it!" Debitto snapped, whirling around to get a face full of wood. Swearing, he rubbed his smarting nose.

"Come on!" he ordered, stalking off down the hall. Jasdero unhurriedly followed after him, looking around at the tapestries hanging on the walls. His eyes lingered on a tapestry of a man with two girls, both of whom were sort of cute, before flitting back towards his irritated twin.

"Debitto, who are we killing this time, hii?"

"Hell if I know."

**^v^**

**Kyah, don't yall just **_**LOVE**_** Jasdero? He's so **_**adorable~!**_** Personally, I like him more than Debitto, though not more than Tyki and Wisely, of course!**


	2. Breakfast in Bed

**Say, how old is Cross Marian? For some reason, I keep thinking he's 39 . Surely he isn't **_**THAT**_** old…? Sorry for OOCness (?) from Wisely ^^ I keep thinking he's… like how I paint him out to be w oh wells if he aint, too bad, it's my fanfic~!**

**Anyways, enjoy chapter 2!**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN DGM, ONLY MY OCs (Kumori).**

**w**

Breakfast in Bed

As the moon rose higher in the clear night sky, the sounds of branches being hastily broken underfoot could be heard amidst the typical eventide woodland noise.

"Ne, can we slow down?" the pink-haired girl sleepily whispered, pushing low, overhanging branches out of her face as she chased after the flying black rabbit. Well, it wasn't a _real_ fluffy rabbit. It was just a treasured plush toy that Daddy had given her, holding lots of other treasured items she owned.

She hadn't wanted to, but she'd hacked off the rabbit's ears to make way for the circular beast's wings. That was fine, though—the little monster's wings felt really nice and fluffy, almost like a real rabbit.

A slit had been made as a mouth, too, since the flying beastie liked to eat food, and it'd be easier to feed it that way.

The pink-haired girl slowed as the rabbit plush flew back to her, hovering in the air. "Are we almost there?" The flying rabbit replied by butting her in the chest.

"Nani?" Her brows furrowed as the rabbit's teeth latched onto the sleeve of her ugly, dirty, ripped brown dress. It'd been short to start with—it'd only reached to her knees—but running around in the woods had shortened it even further. She liked it a lot, since it made it easier for her to run and dance.

"Are we close?" the girl slurred, rubbing her heavy-lidded eyes. She didn't know where the thing was leading her, but it'd be a much more fun place there than the old, dusty room she'd had back at the castle.

The flying rabbit responded only by dragging her further and further to their left, towards a tangle of bushes with lots of brambles and thorns. She felt them bite into her skin through the gaps in her dress, but she ignored it, diving deeper and deeper into the undergrowth. She breathed out a sigh of relief when the two of them escaped from the grasping fingers of the prickly undergrowth.

The pink-haired girl looked up and saw that the pink beastie had led her to a grass clearing with a really big, really old willow tree in the middle, its various branches trailing low on the ground like the train of the long, fancy dresses nobles liked to wear to her sister's parties.

Confused, she looked around the dark clearing for a moment before turning to look at the rabbit. "Why are we here?"

Almost impatiently, the rabbit latched onto her arm with its teeth, and she winced. They were _reaaally_ sharp and pointy. Brows knit in confusion, the petite girl stumbled drowsily along as the pink rabbit led her to the edge of the willow and parted the branches.

"Oh!" she gasped, heavy eyes sparkling briefly when they alighted on an adorable cottage completely hidden beneath the long, sweeping branches of the willow tree. "Ne, that's really pretty and cool," she whispered, patting her winged companion on the head. "It's like a secret base!"

Giggling excitedly into one hand, the girl lethargically ran around the cottage, which looked to be painted a pale yellow, though she couldn't be sure, since there wasn't that much light filtering through the dense canopy. _It's really _small_ compared to the castle_, she thought.

In truth, the cottage was a relatively _big_ house for peasants at the time, but, seeing as this was the first ever time she had ever seen a home that wasn't an enormous castle with numerous floors and hundreds of rooms, her inadequate description was permissible.

The petite girl whirled around on unsteady feet and faced the pink rabbit, which had been hovering in the air beside her the entire time she'd been flitting about getting her whereabouts.

"How am I gonna get in?" she asked impatiently, shuffling her heavy feet. She dreamily beamed as the rabbit speedily flew to the left side of the cottage, quietly batting at a small window. When she got closer, she realized that the window was slightly open; someone had forgotten to close it all the way.

Grinning, she reached for the windowsill and tittered when she missed and banged her numb hands against the walls of the cottage. She slowly, shakily climbed atop the ledge and eased the window open. She teetered forward and squeaked when she fell forward into a soft, cozy bed.

Almost instantaneously, she closed her tired lids and snuggled deeper into the sheets, smiling when her searching hands found something big and warm. Greedily, she clutched the warmth closer to her, tightening her hold when it writhed and squirmed, trying to get away from her cold hands. The escape tactics suddenly ceased, turning instead to means of confining her. Kumori was perfectly fine with this—more warmth for her—and, sighing contentedly, she slipped off into the soothing embrace of sleep.

**OwO**

Pale rays of sunlight filtered through the thick canopy of willow branches, illuminating the cottage and uncovering a small patch of glittering diamonds as it alighted on the morning dew. Inhaling slowly, Allen breathed in brisk morning air, sipping at his warm drink. It was such a peaceful morning…

Until the silence was broken by the rough voice of his master.

"Bakadeshi, get over here!"

He sighed, setting down his cup and rushing from his room to that of his master, Cross Marian. "What—" Allen abruptly stopped when he opened the door and came upon a rather strange sight. His master was propped up on his elbows, suffering yet again from another night of heavy-drinking. The majority of clothes were strewn haphazardly in a trail leading from the door to the bed. This was typical, though. What was strange was that there was a moving lump in the bed with his master…

Cross Marian looked up at his apprentice with groggy eyes. "Why're you just standing there, idiot apprentice? Make me a draught, something to get rid of this hangover." His head was throbbing, as if someone had taken a hammer to it. That idiot Lavi had probably done just that last night while he was unawares.

"Master…"

"What? Speak up," the red-haired man irritably snapped, wincing as the loud sound further aggravated his pounding headache.

"W-Who is that…?"

"Shut up! What are you…?" The slightly intoxicated man started when he felt something tighten around his waist. He looked down and saw a pair of dainty arms peeking out from underneath his pillow and encircling his toned midriff. Cautiously, he whipped the sheets away to reveal a mane of bright pink hair, a slim, curvy body, and pale, slender limbs.

"M-Master, how could you?!" Allen shouted, pointing a finger accusingly at the dazed redhead.

"I didn't do anything, Bakadeshi!"

"You—"

Both the white-haired boy and red-haired man started when the door slammed open. Three relatively young men anxiously barged into the room.

"Moyashi, what the hell's happening?" an irritated black-haired man snapped, brandishing a sharp sword. He, as well as his two companions, stopped in their tracks when they saw the older, red-haired man's bed buddy.

"Are we interruptin' somethin'…?" A handsome young redhead smirked, leaning casually against the doorframe.

"The least you can do is keep your trysts _private_, Master Cross," a young blond man sighed, face palming.

"Stop disrupting the morning, damn Moyashi. People are trying to sleep."

"The name is Allen, BaKanda, and this isn't my fault!" the white-haired fellow shouted.

"Oi, shut up and get out—!"

The men all snapped their jaws shut when the girl in the bed stirred.

"Uhn…" she whimpered, arching her body closer to that of the redhead, who raised an eyebrow in growing amusement. This position wasn't all that uncomfortable, really…

He stiffened slightly when he felt several dark glares aimed at him. He raised his head innocently. "What?"

"Master, stop thinking such dirty thoughts…" Allen admonished, face palming.

Cross was saved from having to reply when the girl languidly stretched out her limbs, clawing at the sheets like a sleepy little pink kitten. With a petite yawn, she slowly sat up, rubbing gently at her sleep-filled eyes.

With an adorable little sigh that even _sounded_ like a kitten's meow, the girl opened her eyes. She didn't bat a lid when she found herself face to face with five unknown men—she merely smiled fuzzily at them.

"Morning. What's for breakfast?"

**O3O**

"Are you serious?" Tyki sputtered, inelegantly spewing drink as he gawked at the cute, petite, pixie-like girl wolfing down bowls of stew made from simple woodland fare.

Link thumped the dark-haired man non-too-gently on the back as he tried to regain his composure. The blond stopped when the young man waved him away.

"Let me get this straight. So what you're telling me is that _she_," he drawled, indicating the pretty little girl who was adorably, voraciously lapping up the remnants of her breakfast, "was spending the night with _him?_" At this he pointed an imperious finger at the sweaty redhead vomiting what was left of his stomach into the sink. Tyki retracted his finger in mild disgust when said man carelessly wiped a hand across his face, a globule of yellow-tinged bile trailing from his lips and attaching itself to the man's dirty sleeve.

Lavi chortled. "Surprisin', isn't it? Here we are, in all our gorgeous youthfulness, and that old man gets more girls than we do."

"Who're you calling an _old man_, damn—" the rest of the hung-over ginger's retort was cut off by a steady stream of alcohol mixed with random globs of unidentifiable bits. "Bakadeshi!" he shouted hoarsely. "Where's that draught I asked for?!"

Cross' pleas went unnoticed—more like _ignored_—as the men all turned their attention to their new ward.

"I'm surprised," Link commented, eyeing the girl as she reached for her fifth bowl of stew. "Allen I can understand, but… I can't believe she hasn't yet lost her appetite, what with Master Cross regurgitating his meal not more than ten feet from her."

"She's tougher than the usual ones," Lavi smirked, watching in amusement as both Allen and the girl latched onto the last small piece of bread in the bread basket. _This should be amusing_, the ginger thought.

"Let go!" the girl pouted, digging her heels into the ground for leverage against the persistent pull of the white-haired fellow.

"I grabbed it first!" Allen retorted, trying to pry the girl's hands off the loaf. His determination faltered when the pink-haired pixie's eyes started tearing up, and a treacherous crocodile tear fell, glittering along one pale porcelain cheek.

"That's just mean, Moyashi," Lavi chided, shaking his head. "What kinda man are you, makin' a girl cry like that?"

"S-Shut up, Lavi." The girl squealed in sudden delight when the loaf of bread popped into her hands and hers alone.

"Arigato, Moyashi-chan!" the girl trilled. Allen would've corrected her on the usage of his name if not for the warm, all-encompassing embrace she landed on him.

"The name's Allen." The white-haired boy's reprimand was weak, though, and lacked bite, since his normal light pallor was a bright scarlet that nearly beat the pixie's hair in its levels of outrageousness.

"No fair, Allen!" Lavi cried, bounding over and sitting across from the girl at the small tabletop that served as both dinner table and medical workbench. Propping his arms on the table, his head on his hands, Lavi gazed at her in avid interest until she finally looked up from her bread and noticed him, at which point he beamed at her in obvious ardor.

"Hey, why dontcha forget about that old man Cross and his flimsy apprentice Moyashi and get with me instead?" Lavi teased, tilting his head and winking at her playfully.

The short, delicate girl giggled. "Usagi-chan is cute," she replied, planting a kiss on his cheek, much to the amusement and scandal of the suddenly carnally snubbed men in the room.

Lavi had to admit, the girl was cute—pretty even—even if she wasn't really his type. Seeing as the nearest female was more than two miles away and probably more than three times his age—Mother was so old she couldn't even remember her own _name_, for God's sake—he shouldn't be complaining. Lavi had resigned himself to the fate of leading a dull, nonexistent sex life, but with the pink-haired girl's sudden appearance, maybe things would be looking up.

"What do you think you're doing, runt?"

Or maybe not.

Lavi looked up into the dangerously bright, fiery eyes of Cross Marian, who had somehow gotten a hold of the revolver Lavi had carefully hidden the night before during his drunken stupor. "If anyone has a right to this pretty little lady, it should be me, seeing as I found her."

"That's where you're wrong, Cross." The tall redhead turned a threatening eye to the boy who'd spoken.

"How so, Wisely?"

Resting his head on one propped hand, the dark-skinned young man with shockingly bright white hair smirked before replying. "If any person were to have dibs on her, it'd be me, seeing as I set eyes on her first as she snuck in through your window last night."

"So the old lecher _didn't_ bring her?" Lavi breathed a sigh of relief. Desperate as he was, the young redhead hadn't been looking forward much to any of Cross'… _leftovers_. From the other quiet sighs in the room, the young ginger hadn't been the only one thinking along those lines.

"It may be unsightly, but I wouldn't mind fighting you over that claim," the older ginger replied, brandishing his revolver with obvious morbid relish.

"As _entertaining_ as that would be," Wisely offhandedly replied, sounding as if the idea would be anything but, "I wasn't the first living creature in this household to see her, so you'll have to take it up with the one who did."

"Stop skirting around the subject and spit it out already," Cross growled, releasing the safety with an audible, menacing click.

"Alright, alright," Wisely sighed, rolling his eyes. "Your opponent's right _there_."

Cross whirled around and back again to give the young man a glare. "Are you kidding me, boy?"

Wisely smirked and replied with a mocking "Does it look like I am?"

"Come here," Cross snapped, flicking his hand impatiently. Reluctantly, a pink form detached itself from its golden counterpart at the table and flitted over to land on the red-haired man's outstretched hand.

"Is this _true_, then?" the man probed, stretching the cheeks of the pink golem and grimacing when it bit his finger. At the beast's nod of confirmation, Cross sighed, releasing the golem and mussing his hair with one hand. "Where'd you find the girl?"

"Isn't it obvious, Cross?" Tyki murmured, eyeing the girl as she played with the golden golem, seemingly oblivious to the conversation going on around her, about her. "How many pink-haired girls can there possibly be in one queendom?"

"What're you suggesting?" Everyone turned to look at Kanda, who had been silent throughout the entire conversation. "Are you saying that that's the Her Highness Princess Kumori?"

At the name, the pink-haired girl's head jerked up, glancing around cautiously at the men surrounding her. She pouted at the slow apprehension dawning on their faces.

"You guys can at least tell me _your_ names, since you already know mine."

**x**

**Tada~ end of chapter 2 and all that! Was it lacking? If so, well, hopefully chapter 3 will be something actually worth looking forward to…?**

**Hm, I think imma do these little notes at the end, so yall can just get straight to the story and not hafta mull through my rambling… at least at this end, you can just click "next" or whatever if you don't wanna read ^^**

**Ah, reviews would be much-appreciated, you know? So I'll know people actually read my stories and I aint talking to myself when I do these little notes and stuff…**

**Well, bye! Till next time, whenever the hell **_**THAT**_** is…**


	3. Royal Hobos and Backwater Peasants

**CHAPTER 3**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN DGM, ONLY MY OCs (Kumori).**

**OvO**

Royal Hobos and Backwater Peasants

"T-That's the princess?" Lavi sputtered, ogling in disbelief at the girl sitting at the small, battered little table at which they always broke their meager fast. "That can't be!"

"I'm sure I'd be able to recognize my own niece, Lavi." They all started at the revelation, but before any of them could press further, the young redhead began spouting more nonsense.

"But, but she's supposed to be, you know, beautiful, and virtuous, and well-mannered, and—" The redhead stopped at the golden glare he received from said princess.

"What?" he defended, looking around at the others for support. "I'm just sayin' what I've heard. I-I'm not sayin' she _isn't_ any of those things! Really, Princess!" Princess Kumori responded only by turning away from him and sniffing. Tyki was also giving him a look, as if _he_ were somehow offended by his words as well.

"Aw, c'mon, Princess Kumori," Lavi cajoled, getting onto his knees in front of her and putting his hands together in supplication. "Forgive me. Please?" Kumori bit her lips, and Lavi smiled in triumph when he realized why her eyes kept flitting back to the side of his face.

"I'll give you my earrings if you do, Kumo-denka~!"

"Really?" Kumori cried, excitedly jumping up out of her chair in a manner unbefitting for a princess of the realm. She squealed in delight when the ginger took off his hoop earrings and handed them to her.

"Arigato, Usagi-chan!" she giggled, hugging the taller figure. "You're forgiven now~!"

"Really, Kumori," Tyki sighed, inelegantly face palming. "You haven't changed all that much, have you. You're still a magpie for bright, shiny objects."

"I can't help it, Tyki-pon," Kumori pouted, puffing up her cheeks. "They're just so _pretty!_"

"Wait, back up!" Allen said, standing up. "How can Tyki the hobo be her uncle? Wouldn't that mean he'd have to be related to her mother or her father the former king?"

"Hey, that's right!" Lavi mused. "Why would a prince of the realm be hidin' out in the woods with peasants like Kanda and Allen?"

"Who're you calling a peasant, Usagi?" Kanda snarled, his blade gleaming ever-so-slightly in the rays of morning light as he unsheathed it in preparation for rabbit-skinning.

Tyki rolled his eyes at the ignorance of his fellow housemates. "This _did_ happen when you were all in swaddles, after all, so I guess it's tolerable, the fact that you backwater peasants don't bother keeping up with the history of your own country."

"We aren't backwater peasants, Curly-hair!" Lavi indignantly replied as Kanda's blade inched towards its new target.

Tyki, acting as if their outburst hadn't occurred, nonchalantly continued with his monologue. "I was always the favorite son, but my father and I had a squabble some ten years back. I won't bore you with the gory details, but suffice to say, it didn't end well. My father ended up disowning me and naming Sheril his sole heir."

"You're _ex_-royalty, sure, but shouldn't you still have some gold or treasure?" Allen asked, grimacing slightly. They'd need it if they wanted to pay off his Master's pile of debts scattered seemingly _everywhere_ throughout the land.

"Tyki was disowned, meaning that he lost everything that came with his title," Link explained.

"Really—?"

"Tyki-_pon_." They all turned at the pleading tone in the pink-haired girl's voice. "I-I need to… go."

"Go where?" Lavi face-palmed at Kanda's density and turned to give Kumori a bright, only _slightly_ suggestive smile. "I can show you where the outhouse is if you want, Kumo-denka."

The young ginger only just managed to avoid Tyki's fist as it came hurtling towards him.

"Instead of 'Usagi,' maybe we should call you 'March Hare,'" Tyki snorted, standing protectively in front of his innocent young niece, who was staring uncomprehendingly at the scene. He turned as Kumori plucked at his sleeve.

"Tyki-_pon_…" Kumori whined, shifting her feet in the beginnings of a tell-tale pee dance.

The uncle sighed, giving the redhead one last glare as he gently pushed his niece out the doorway of the cottage. "I'll deal with _you_ later. Come on, Kumori."

As the front door shut with a loud bang, Lavi turned to smirk at the other male inhabitants of the house. "I got first dibs on that."

**x**

"Ne, Tyki-pon!"

"What is it?" the dark-haired man gruffly replied, looking anywhere but the bush in which his young niece was relieving herself.

"Who are they, those boy-men?"

He snorted at her improper term but didn't correct her. "They're just idiots that I joined up with along the way. Absolutely harmless, really."

"Ah, really?" There was a rustling of leaves and a giggle. "Ne, Tyki-_pooon_?"

"What?"

"Can we… trust them?"

Tyki's annoyance fizzled away at the weary, child-like quality to her voice. He replied to her question in a softer, kinder tone. "Yes, Kumori. We can trust them." _As long as we don't leave you alone with them when they're drunk and free of inhibitions_, Tyki mentally amended.

There was another faint rustling and then an "I'm done!" as Kumori glomped him from behind.

The dark-haired man bit back a sigh and looked up at the bright blue sky in dawning despair. Kumori really _hadn't_ changed all that much in the years since he'd last seen her. She was still as unaware of the propriety and proper decorum needed for conduct between a man and a woman as she'd been back when she was six and had asked him why Daddy and Mommy were always thumping and moaning and keeping everyone awake at night.

He growled and ran one hand through the mass of curly black hair atop his head. He'd have one hell of a time beating the others off his adorable, _oblivious_ young niece.

Literally though, in the case of the rabbit.

**^.^**

**Tadas, chapter 3, done! Took forever to get around to this cuz I have a lot of catching up to do for school work and stuff… not like I **_**have**_** caught up, so that was a waste, but yep. Review, please? To let me know this story will not die a pitiable, undetected death?**

**Oh yeah! For those of you that didn't get the 'March Hare' thing, a march hare is a frisky hare in heat. BASICALLY, a **_**horny hare**_**.**


	4. Roomies

**CHAPTER 4**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN DGM, ONLY MY OCs (Kumori).**

**OvO**

Roomies

Kumori hummed as she skipped back to the cottage, Tyki following behind at a leisurely walk. She hadn't expected to find her uncle here in the forest, so that was a plus in addition to the warm food.

She twirled around to face Tyki, not breaking the gait of her small dance. "Ne, Tyki-pon, do they have cake? I really want some cake."

"You're not supposed to have sweets this early in the morning, Kumori."

"Eh? But… I reaaally really want some, Tyki," she pouted, throwing herself at him. She pouted and looked up at him with especially wet amber eyes. "Please, Tykiii? Tykiiiiiiiiiiiiiii—"

"Alright, I'll get them to fix something up for you," he muttered, running his hand through his unruly black hair.

Kumori grinned and hugged one of his arms. "Arigato, Tyki-pooon~!" Her smile widened when she saw the willow tree from before, the one with the little cottage beneath it.

"Hurry, Tyki!" she excitedly shrieked, slipping under the curtain of leaves. Just as she was about to rush to the front door, it opened with a loud bang, and out tumbled a redhead sporting an eye-catching black eye on the one eye that didn't already have black eye-catch.

"Usagi-chaaan, nani, nani~?" Kumori giggled, bouncing over and clasping his face in her hands. "You gotta big booboo now… lemme fix it!" With a giggle, Kumori bent down and kissed the redhead's quickly-swelling cheek.

"Thanks, Kumo-denka—" Lavi stopped with his reply when he felt a dark miasma of malice engulf them.

"Lavi…" He hesitantly looked up.

"Er, hahah, whatcha doin' there, Curly-Hair…?"

"The better question is, what're you doing to my _niece?_"

"S-She kissed me first!" Lavi instantly replied, hands raised in supplication as the tall ex-prince advanced with murderous intent.

"Still, to ease my mind…"

"T-Tyki! Your niece is watchin', ya know that, right?" This made Tyki pause. He turned and looked questioningly at Kumori, who was watching in avid, passive enthusiasm.

"Well, I guess we know what _she_ wants. Can't blame me for obliging my adorable niece, can you, Lavi?"

"C-C'mon, Tyki, I didn't even do nothin'! If you're gonna punish someone, punish the others! I mean, I wouldn't'a gotten the booboo in the first place if they hadn'ta hit me, ya know? Just for tellin' them that Kumo-denka wasn't gonna be roomin' with them, too, since, y'know, she's your niece and all—!"

"So those lechers were planning on sleeping with my niece, now were they…?"

"Er, not in that context…" Lavi sheepishly replied, glancing away.

Tyki smirked down at him. "And I take it you were one of them?"

"N-No, of course not!" Lavi chuckled, waving his hands. "Really!" he reiterated, backing away quickly as the tall Portuguese advanced. "T-Tyki, c'mon, ya know ya don't really wanna do this, r-right?" Lavi breathed a sigh of relief when Tyki stopped.

"Now that you think about it…" Lavi quirked an ear. "I actually do want to do this."

"T-Tyki! S-STOP—!"

Kumori giggled as the redhead was dragged kicking and screaming back into the cottage, the door of which was firmly shut and padlocked once the victims were all secure inside the makeshift penitentiary.

"Mite!" Kumori breathed, watching in rapt amusement when the cottage started to tremble and shake. With a fluffing of undergarments, Kumori sat down upon the grass, jiggling her bottom until she was in a comfortable position. Once that was accomplished, she leaned forward in anticipation for the next scene in her uncle's interesting act.

**OxO**

**Sorry for such a long wait between updates. I've been busy reading manga and working on other fanfics, not to mention schoolwork. Plus, I had a sorta roadblock in writing this little part. I haven't thought this through as clearly as I have my other works, heh… I know how I want the story to end, but… I don't quite know how imma fill the gap from now to then.**

**Oh yeah, looked back and realized a contradiction… to clear it up, the rabbit plush is pink. Not black. Pink. As is the golem. Yep… if you've read AA, then you'll know I wrote this before I did the first chapter (this was gonna be the original ch 1, yikes…).**


	5. Closing Act

**CHAPTER 5**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN DGM, ONLY MY OCs (Kumori, Pichoncho).**

**O.O**

Closing Act

"Road-chama, why don't you let the actors finish the play before killing them~ **‹**3?" the fat man asked, grinning as he sidestepped the bloody mass of rent flesh thrown at him.

"Their incessant braying was getting on my nerves," Road replied, flicking droplets of blood of her slick red fingers. She grinned as they splashed across the white palace walls. "Besides, this is a much better closing act than the one they had planned out, don't you think, Millennie?" Road laughed, throwing her arms about her at the carnage surrounding them.

"Ah, I'd have to agree with you there, but still, what a mess~ **‹**3" her counselor replied. Road's mouth tightened as he shook his head at her, as if she were a naughty child rather than the ruler of a sovereign country. She was both, but the Millennium Earl did forget every now and then. Road often had to remind him.

Like now, for example.

"Why don't you get some of the maids to come clean it up for me, Millennie?" she sweetly asked, simpering when a small tick mark appeared on the large man's forehead.

"Road-tama, Lero!"

Queen Road frowned as the enchanted purple umbrella with a pumpkin head flew towards her in a flurry of tears. "What is it, Lero?"

"Don't order Earl-tama around like that, Lero!"

"Then why don't you make yourself useful and do it for him?" she replied, rolling her eyes in annoyance.

"Road-tama is mean, Lero!" Lero cried, flitting about her and getting her dress wet with its tears. She swatted away the pesky umbrella and clomped over to her throne, which had managed not to get any stains on it. With a great big sigh, she flopped down and threw her legs over the armrest.

"Why don't you help clean up first while I go get the maids, Lero~ **‹**3?" Road watched with narrowed eyes as the jovial fat man left the throne room, and her hands tightened around the sharpened candlestick in the voluminous pockets of her dreadful dress.

"Be careful, Your Majesty." Road raised an eyebrow at her captain of the guard, who was referred to simply as Bookman. Probably because of his former occupation as the castle historian and librarian.

"Why?" she asked. She slowly unwrapped the lollipop she took from her pocket and gave the short panda man a level stare, daring him with her eyes.

"The Earl is not what he seems," Bookman quietly replied, glancing at the umbrella monster as it flitted above the corpses of the troupe of actors. "Do not underestimate him. He is more than he claims to be, and if you do not remember that, this queendom will fall into ruin at his hands."

"Maybe the sun's gotten to your head, Bookman. Millennie wouldn't betray me. Take your senile raving elsewhere, if you don't want that head of yours rolling around everywhere."

As the doors to the throne room opened, Road's captain bowed and backed away. "As you wish, Your Majesty." He faded into the background as the maids bustled in and set about cleaning up the grisly mess she'd made.

The old man's warning was soon pushed to the back of her mind and forgotten as Queen Road watched the maids clean up the rest of her handiwork. All that work, gone to waste. She sighed. A pity the color red didn't look as good on her as it did her subjects.

**O_O**

**Kumori gets way too much face time in my fics. She's the heroine in Walker White and Akuma Amalgam (which… is actually the one she was created for, so… **_**this**_** fic would be one of the ones where she's got too much face time!), too. She even makes appearances in Black Order and Komui's Chocolate Factory (which I'm thinking of changing to a more **_**platonic**_** setting, since a reader for Flickers of Fireflies [should there be no "s" at the end of that first word?] was complaining about how there're **_**sooo**_** many yaoi fics out there now [Flickers of Fireflies is **_**NOT**_** BL, dunno how that guest got under that misconception—Guest, if you're reading this, I am NOT bitching you out!], and I think it'd be a story people would wanna read if it didn't have that BL aspect to it. Besides, although I **_**want**_** there to be BL, I… sorta **_**suck**_** at writing BL). Good thing my other yet-to-be-written fanfics don't feature her.**

**Whoa, covered so many different topics in that one sentence.**

**How does Lero refer to the Earl?**


End file.
